Todays Client Spotlight: David Smith
Specialist at Siemens Industry
Coaching period: 10 weeks of 1-1
coaching, plus follow-up alignment coaching with Coach Carla
Why did you seek out coaching with Frame of
I was going through so
much at the time and I was feeling a lot of insecurity in many areas of my
life. I was already two years past a divorce, and felt I was investing too much
of my energy into a new relationship. I was anxious about my care-giving
responsibilities with regard to my dad. I was in transition in so many ways,
and I felt like I wasnt moving forward. I knew it would be helpful to have
someone help me dismantle my thoughts, because I needed clarity to move forward
in my life. I had been dating someone who was getting results from Frame of
Mind Coaching, and also heard great things about FOM from a successful
entrepreneur. I looked into FOM and interviewed the coaches, then chose Carla
to be my coach.
What David learned from coaching:
-I used to doubt myself
a lot. People would say, Youre good at that and Id say Ya whatever. Going
through coaching was a confidence builder. I had a stock pile of things that I
felt were always a challenge for me to believe, and I believe them now.
-One Frame of Mind Coaching
principal that stood out to me was: You cant change other people, but you do
have the power to choose how you respond to other people, and to choose if you
want to get mad or sad or upset. Now, Im quicker to get back to ground zero
and realize I am in control of my own self. That is something that I live by on
a daily basis.
-I am much more
confident in myself and in my choices. Carla helped me collect a lot of
evidence that helped me be more secure with who I am. When I continued my
relationship, I didnt let it create insecurities in me. The evidence that surfaced
helped me get a promotion and sort out my role as a care-giving
manager for my father.
-I learned how to
respect myself more. I realized I was often accommodating everyone else,
without looking after myself. I was what
they call a pleaser; I was always out there pleasing people. Carla helped me
recognize that I had to respect myself and that I didnt have to be insecure. I
am also more mindful when I make assumptions and jump to conclusions. I dont make
as many assumptions as I used to. I put a buffer in there before I react to things.
What advice would you give others about
When it comes to
coaching, you get out of it what you put into it. You have to step up to the
plate and make yourself vulnerable. You need to say the things you would
typically deny in a conversation with someone.
I cant say enough good
things about my coaching experience. The other day I sent Carla an e-mail
telling her that I felt she was family because she knows so much about me.
Hopefully some day we can cross paths with one another.
There is one
very scary interview question which has probably, at one time or another, caused
you to tremble in your socks, bite your lip and anxiously glance from side to
side. What is the question, you ask? Its the frightful What is your greatest
question tripped me up so much in my Frame of Mind Coaching interview with Kim
and Allan, that I ummed and ahhhed for about five minutes before awkwardly
turning the tables and avoiding the question by asking them What are your greatest flaws?
We use many
tactics to hide our flaws in both our professional and personal lives, because
admitting them makes us feel imperfect and vulnerable. We give our flaws a
great deal of power over our lives every day.
week, Kim was cleaning out her office when she handed me some loose sheets of
paper. Here, you can have these, she said. These are the notes I took when I
called your references, when we were contemplating hiring you.
skimmed the notes and I came across some of the weaknesses that were brought
up. Feeling very exposed, I internally reacted with denial and irritation. I
cant believe they said that about
me, I thought. I asked Kim to clarify some of the comments and she explained,
Youre focusing on the wrong thing. It was true. When I reread the notes, I
noticed that the comments were overwhelmingly positive, yet I had automatically
zoomed in on the negative.
The more we
think about our flaws and focus on them, the more power we give to them. If you
are directionally challenged, and each time you leave your house you think, I
suck at directions, I am bound to get lost, chances are you will get lost. If
you struggle with technology and each time you work on a project you think, Somethings
bound to go wrong, well, it isnt a huge surprise when something does go
When we feed
our flaws, they become more pronounced and persistent. When we look for ways in
which we can fail, our flaws turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy.
In the midst
of our embarrassment and denial over our shortcomings, we often forget that
there is a flip-side to every flaw. Chances are, if you are an impatient
person, you are also very good at taking initiative. If you are a slow worker,
you are probably very thorough. If you are an attention seeker, you are most
likely good at public speaking. By finding the strength in your flaw, you can
begin to embrace it. It is an exciting concept that our flaws can shine light
on our strengths.
to embrace our flaws is by re-labelling them.
We continue to accentuate our flaws by merely naming them as our flaws.
How would you feel if you labelled all of your weaknesses as quirks
instead? Suddenly they dont seem so
bad, right? The characteristics we deem unlovable and problematic often make us
attractive and interesting. They are defining parts of our personality that
make us unique.
I thought I
had busted my Frame of Mind Coaching interview big time with the fretted
weaknesses question. Yet two weeks later, I received an unexpected call from
Kim. Wed love to hire you. When can you start? she