Are YOU Sensitive to Criticism?
I am. Truly. I am so sensitive to criticism that it even affects me on a physical level. It's such an instinctive gut-level reaction that it triggers a
variety of symptoms, like stomach aches, nausea, and the desire to just close myself off and withdraw from the world. It causes me to reconsider my deepest
desires for living a phenomenal life and achieving monumental goals in exchange for living an "easier, simpler life" and letting go of all my visions of
extraordinary success. It creates incredible self-doubt and intense exhaustion.
Last week I received a 10-page feedback report on a presentation that I did for a group of 780 HR professionals. Before opening the report, I could feel my
heart begin to race and my skin start to prickle. The numerical scores were fine - I scored 4.3727 out of 5 on my presentation - slightly above average.
The written feedback, however, nearly caused me to pass out. Here is an unedited sample of the feedback I received:
Great interactive presentation. It was a LOT more than I was expecting. You hit much deeper than the surface and that shows the value.
Wow - best presentation of the conference. Great presentation skills. Thank You!
Excellent technique. Challenges you. Thought provoking. Enlightening.
I had a real life coaching experience on stage that helped me see my limiting thoughts in the moment. That was awesome and life changing.
Outstanding speaker and content! Bring her back more often!
Best session attended.
Great strategies. Fabulous presentation.
Excellent presentation. One of the best so far in the conference. Very personable presenter really enjoyed the session.
Amazing, inspirational, moving, and brilliant. She helped me shift my thinking.
Presenter seemed to think that she was better than everyone else. Her personality turned me off.
While the feedback was mostly exceedingly positive, the criticism overtook my senses. It felt like a punch in the belly resulting in the following
conversation that took place in my head immediately after reading #10:
"Better than everyone else???
Me??? How could ANYONE say that??? I teach people not to see themselves that way! Forget it, no one understands me. Why do I keep
putting myself out there? For THIS kind of abuse? All I am trying to do is make a difference! What's the point? I should just go home and call it a day. I am done with coaching."
And then I called Allan (my husband) to tell him that 50% of the feedback I received was negative and that I suck as a speaker and that I should seriously
consider some other line of work. Here's what he said:
"Let's do the math. How many people were in the audience? 780
How many people filled out an evaluation form? 424
How many negative evaluations did you get? 38
So less than 5% of your audience was less than satisfied? Hmmm - you are right, you should find another profession." Then he went on to say the following:
"Here's what I see - the overarching feedback was that you are incredible and they need more people like you. Now, let's break down the negative feedback
to see if we can learn anything..."
What Allan did for me is to neutralize the criticism and help me really understand the negative feedback so that I could make some tweaks to my
presentation for next time.
Here's what I discovered: when criticism comes my way, my "emotional resilience" muscles can use a little strengthening. So here I am, revealing my own
personal vulnerability in order to get to the other side where criticism is something that I can hear, sort through, learn from, and take with a grain of
salt. Luckily, I have an amazing husband who does not let me sit in the mire too long before kicking me in the butt demanding that I SNAP OUT OF IT!
It's an honest question. Are YOU sensitive to criticism and how big of a role does it play in your performance (or lack thereof)? Do
you take it personally when you receive less than stellar feedback? Does it drag you down into a dark hole a little longer than you'd like? Do you have
anyone who can help you neutralize the criticism and turn it into something of value?
It's Not Too Late to Become an FOM-Certified Coach
There are just three spots left for "Coach the Coach", the 2nd component of Frame of Mind Certification, beginning on October 2, 2013. All FOM Inc. clients who have completed a 1-1 coaching program with FOM are eligible to apply for
Perhaps you have been curious about exploring coaching as a career. Perhaps you are interested in expanding your professional experience, or you would like
to contribute to the lives of others. Perhaps you want more independence and flexibility in your career, or you'd like to learn more about your own
self-growth by coaching others.
There are many reasons why coaching might interest you. If the thought of coaching has ever crossed your mind, now may be the time for you to act on it!
If you have already been through 1-1 coaching with a Frame of Mind Coach, you have already completed the first step towards certification. "Coach the
Coach," beginning this October, is the second step...the part where you will learn about the art of leveraging your instincts to deliver powerful coaching.
Here are the details:
Coach the Coach - Phase 2 of FOM Coaching Certification
Begins on October 2nd 2013
10 Weeks/ 10 Calls/ 10 Participants
$2400 USD/ person
Kim Ades, president and founder of Frame of Mind Coaching, will be leading this experience - so roll up your sleeves, get your seatbelt on, and get
ready to rock and roll!
For more information about certification check out our website or contact Kim directly by
e-mail at firstname.lastname@example.org or by phone at 416-747-6900 ext 221.
Journaling Can Turn on Lightbulbs
Journaling can have an unbelievable effect on your day to day life. Amongst other things, journaling can help you reflect,
release stress and make decisions. Adi Tamam, a Frame of Mind Coach, shares a recent journal where she explains the effect that journaling has had on
Life is interesting and we never quite know what to expect from it...
Earlier this year, a past relationship resurfaced for me. Someone who I loved deeply, who lives on a different continent than me, returned to my life and
proclaimed his love for me. After one full year of not communicating with me, basically being completely absent, he realized that I am the One.
So he came after me in full pursuit. It's been two years since we broke up, not because we didn't love each other, but because we didn't quite know how to
bring our lives together when we were both settled in different countries.
The truth is at the time I was willing to move and relocate. I was willing to do whatever it would have taken. I'm not saying I was fearless; I was scared
of the unknown, however, I was willing to fight for it.
He, on the other hand, was not ready...
So, in January we met again. He asked if we could meet somewhere in the world, anywhere. He needed to move on with his life and he needed to see me in order
to do it.
We met. In the British Virgin Islands. For my cousin's wedding.
I struggled. Why? Because two years for me had been a lifetime. I pushed through my personal growth. I pushed through my blockages. I pushed myself to
expand my consciousness. I discovered new aspects of myself. I explored. I developed new dreams.
I tucked away the dreams for a life with him. I had no choice. He shut me out.
So, when we saw each other I connected to my "old" self with my "new" self. I was confused between what I wanted and what I want. I was angry that he just
realized he wanted to marry me two years after our breakup.
I was also sad. Because deep inside even though I wanted to choose him, I couldn't because there were now clear missing ingredients in our relationship. I
After a week in paradise. I was heartbroken again. Now really dealing with the emotions I had tucked away.
Over the last several months in my weak moments in which I went into self doubt, I questioned myself and turning down his offer to move to Paris and start
a life with him.
In my weak moments, I had felt perhaps I am making a mistake. And all the "what if's" flooded me. I created an opening for fear to come in.
Last week I decided to go into my journal, here, and read my journal entries from more than two years ago. To go back in time, and remind myself what I was
dealing with when we were together. What struggles I had faced with him. What was missing for me then to see if it matched now.
I was deeply moved when I read my journal entries. I reaffirmed that the same ingredients that were missing then were still missing now, however, now it
was more evident.
I am grateful for the journals because they remind me that I have been making the right choices for myself. They remind me of my deep desires that I live
to fulfill in my life. They remind me of who I am, what I want, the game that I am playing and to not EVER settle for less.
Journaling is powerful, it's an imprint in time of our evolution in this life. It's a portal for us to look into and see our progression, where we are
still stuck and where we have work to do to overcome our self-imposed limitations.
There's always room for growth. It's why we are here. It's what keeps the journey exciting.
Frame of Mind Coach